Miracle # XLIII
Triple Extra Large — (or 43 Years Clean)!
I really wanted to keep it low-key this year. I’m just so grateful to even be alive! After my most recent close call with my own mortality, gratitude seemed enough — I didn’t need all the hoopla that often seems to surround my clean date. Plus, I still am very much recovering from that whole health ordeal. Some days I feel great, with all this new energy I’d been missing when I’d had to dial my activity level back to nearly zero, just to ensure I didn’t wind up having a fatal heart attack. Turned out I was closer to that than I’d even realized. Some days, I find my energy waning, and don’t feel so great. I’ve had a couple of those days this week. It takes time to recover from such events. But then, today happened.
From the moment I woke up, I’ve been receiving heartfelt messages from all over the world. A friend from the U.K. had WhatsApp-ed me this, “Thank you for being about. It is reassuring knowing there is a Pete B. about in my life.” That has to be one of the nicest things I’ve ever heard!
Then I got to spend an hour with a friend from Russia who now lives in Turkey, to talk about the incredible journey he’s been on. We spend an hour together on zoom every Friday morning — no matter where in the world he might be at the time. I’ve seen his whole life get transformed by this same program that transformed mine, so many years ago, and continues to do so. I get to share my journey with him, and he in turn shares his with me, and then passes it on to others. That’s how it works.
I’ve heard from a friend in South Korea, a friend in Texas, a friend in Seattle, and a friend in Bangkok. A guy called me up from Fort Lauderdale, who is one of my longest-termed friends.
I met George the day I walked into a room full of crazy teenagers, 43 years ago, and asked my then 25-year-old self “what the HELL am I doing HERE?” This guy was just turned 20 then. As I was making a beeline for the exit door of that church basement during the break, never to look back, he reached out and began to answer that question for me. I walked back into that room.
My life as I know it today, began that day. It’s been a much different life than the 25 years that preceded it. A world of difference!
Another friend from Syracuse called and wanted to know what meeting I’m going to tonight. I have no idea. I usually don’t do a meeting on Fridays these days, and am still trying to keep it all low-key. Maybe I’ll figure one out — I’m still only doing virtual meetings. Me and the wife are high risks.
I know, I know, it’s a big deal and it shows the newcomers that the program works. But sometimes, I think too much is made of time. All we really have, any of us, is this day, today. That’s what this program has taught me. There weren’t a bunch of “oldtimers” around when I got here. In fact, that 20-year old kid who reached out to me at that first meeting was the only person I knew, in my first few months, with more than a year. He had 3 years!
We all wanted to make sure this thing that we found then, would still be around for the ones who came after us. We got fired up with this completely insane idea about writing it all down, to send kind of a love letter to future generations. We used to talk about them, the ones who weren’t even born yet, and say we were doing what we were doing for them. The thing is, we followed through on that crazy idea and got that book published, and today they still read it, all over the world. Crazy-assed teenagers — the nerve!
That guy from Russia who lives in Turkey? He was born when I had 10 years clean. Most of the people I work with today, to continue carrying the message that was freely given to me, weren’t born when I got clean.
Once, when I had been away from the rooms for a long time, I was just coming back when I heard someone share something in a meeting that, I swear, was intended just for me. He said, “You know, I could get clean, work these steps, and go out and just live my life, free from addiction, and I could even have a good life out there, as long as I remembered who I am. It could be done. However, if I did that, when I died, my recovery would die with me. If I never shared it with anyone else, it would simply die. That seems like an incredibly selfish way to live. If I stick around, and pass along to the next one what was passed along to me, and keep doing that — when I die, my recovery will live on in everyone I touched while I carried the message of my recovery.”
I heard that, and took it to heart. If I had died of a fatal heart attack last month, when I had a 98 % blockage of my “widow-maker” artery — I knew in my heart that my life had made a difference. I knew that I would be missed. And I knew that my recovery would live on in others — all over the world.
Today, you all reminded me about that simple fact. How the hell am I supposed to be low-key about THAT?!? Okay, okay, you’re right, after all — it is a big deal. But, it isn’t all about me — it’s really all about YOU!
Thanks for being here, and keep coming back. This is my love letter to you today, from my triple extra large heart. If you’re new, know this — This program works — I am living proof of that.
