Hi Kristi, I never would have guessed that was you - I am a big fan of your writing. I am so sorry for your loss. It was so touch-n-go for me before I got clean in NA, and those first 4 years were so hard - I really feel like I was given some kind of a gift from a friend who'd died of something completely different, Hodgkins Disease, right before I got clean, that kind of carried me through until I found N.A. and got into the 12 steps. It was so hard for me to find a reason to want to live, a purpose in life. When I see people in that struggle, I totally understand, and do appreciate the gifts I received from many selfless souls along the way. There are so many kind souls in the world - it took me getting really sick to find them, or for them to find me.