First Gathering Since Covid
Things are, necessarily, a bit different
We started coming down here to South Carolina the week of July 4th in 1997, the year after Dad passed. Dad has always been the hub of the wheel of family connection. We all communicated regularly with him, and he kept us all informed of each other’s lives. That had kind of worked up until the year he passed. In many families, once that “hub” of family communication moves on, they slowly lose touch with each other.
There were 7 of us siblings, plus Mom, plus our individual growing families. We were scattered among 6 states all over the country, a couple out in California, one in Connecticut, one in Michigan, one in Pennsyvlvania, one in New Jersey and me in Virginia (DC Area). Mom was also in New Jersey at the time.
Brother number two, Chris, and wife Cindy and their kids were already coming regularly down to the Myrtle Beach area for two weeks around the 4th of July. They both worked for G.M., or with contractors of G.M., where operations always shut down for two weeks then. Little sister Mary and her clan from New Jersey were already joining them here for at least a week each year, along with brother Ken from San Francisco, some years. Chris put the word out that anyone else who’d like to join them for one of the weeks was welcome, so we started coming down in ’97.
Over the years, the numbers of us grew as our families grew, and more of us made it in. In 2004, everyone made it in, at least for part of the time, to help Mom celebrate her 80th birthday. What a glorious time that was! That was the first time we needed to get more than the one house we’d all stayed in up to that year. Kathy and I rented one place close to the Martin House that first week, then rented the Dixon Villa in the Beach Villas for the second week.
We came every year until 2020, when Covid changed everything for us. Both of us being high risk for complications if we got the virus, Kathy and I didn’t feel comfortable coming down in 2020, 2021 or 2022. We pretty much didn’t get out a whole lot during these years. We did make a 4 day trek to Yellowstone in 2021, when things seemed to be waning with the virus, before the next version of it took off. We made the occasional 3 day beach trip to Virginia Beach, just us in a hotel room at the beach, which helped.
Most of our social interactions during this period happened virtually. I worked virtually, all the time for the first two years, and still 4 days a week, even now. (Come Labor Day, I’ll start going in to the office 3 days a week).
After that first year of living “virtually”, I began getting used to it, and had accepted it as a way of life, because, what else are you going to do? Some interesting things began to happen, that first year, for me. I had found myself back in a 12 Step fellowship I had first found recovery in 43 years ago. I hadn’t been a part of that particular fellowship since 1984, but events led me back to it, about 6 months before Covid came along.
When Covid hit, all the meeting places closed up shop, and everyone started having virtual meetings online. This made it possible for members from all over the world to begin exploring the program in places outside of their own geographic area. In any given virtual meeting, you might have members from 5 or 10 different countries around the world.
I had just started sponsoring one fellow from Liverpool, England, about a month before Covid even started. Once Covid kicked in, I did find myself in a number of meetings in the UK, for one reason or another. By year’s end, I was sponsoring 6 people from the UK, using a virtual platform to meet weekly with each of them to discuss recovery. With more time to allow for such sessions, since I got 3 hours a day back from my previous hour and a half commute each way to work, I eventually wound up sponsoring 18 different people, from 6 different countries. One guy started out in Moscow, Russia, and is now in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. He spent about 6 months in Turkey in between. We continue to meet weekly, like clockwork, no matter where in the world he is. The virtual world has opened a lot of doors for connection.
It’s only recently that I’ve begun to get out more often, for live interactions with others. One thing I’ve noticed that happens when I’m in large groups of people, now. It really stresses me out! I was not like this before. I used to thrive in large groups of people. I still do, when it’s a virtual large group of people. One the reasons for this is my hearing loss. I began to lose my hearing in my left ear about 10 years ago, which has been corrected somewhat by a hearing aid. It will never be fully corrected. I hardly even noticed it the past 3 years, because in the virtual world, I hear everything just fine. However, in actual large groups of people, I struggle to hear anything. This isn’t new — I just haven’t had to deal with it for the past 3 years.
Our first night here, everyone gathered at my brother Jim’s place to celebrate niece Hannah’s birthday. There were close to 40 of us when we all got together, maybe even more. It was thrilling to see all these family members, from multiple generations, again after four years. One of them I had never even met before, as he is three years old. I loved that part of it.
However, very quickly I found myself getting quite stressed out by the many different conversations that cascaded into a virtual ocean roar in my ears, and felt fortunate to find a group of 4 or 5 in one corner of the table we were sitting at who seemed to be a bit overwhelmed by it all, like me, and we got each other through the evening. Focusing on the conversation there, I was able to hear most of what these few family members were saying. My stress level reduced quite a bit.
As a result of that first night experience, I’ve been making some choices this week that I hope folks understand. It’s not personal — but, when you all wind up in one place at the same time, I’m heading the other way. I’m not ready for that level of stress, just yet. I just survived a heart scare earlier this year, and am more mindful than I ever was of my stress levels, and do what I have to do to minimize them. I’m having a great week, here, and finding some very joyful moments with family members, but these are with smaller groups of them, or one-on-one, interactions I can handle.
I’m not quite ready for the big groups, and one evening of it was enough for me. I skipped all of the July 4th festivities today, for this reason. Me and Kathy spent a quiet day at our place, mostly reading, I did some swimming early, and some nieces and nephews came by to visit and hang out for a bit on their way to the pool, here. It was a lovely day. Everything we could hope for on vacation.
It’s really great to be here. But it certainly is different, now — but that’s okay. Glad to be here, glad to be alive!
