Connected to a Force
Sometimes, the very things that harm us, can also serve to heal
Born into dysfunction,
Raised in an age not known
For enlightenment, nor emotional insight;
I assumed a role from early on.
Mine was to break up the tension
In a large family gripped by dark forces,
Addiction fueled the insanity that prevailed;
Enter the clown, the perennial mascot.
Practical joker from a very young age,
I played my role well, kept it light and loose,
Compelled to it, failure not an option;
Everyone’s “buddy”, the little loveable “fool”, was I.
One day a miracle occurred,
Mom found recovery, as family dysfunction dissipated;
Good news for all but the foolish clown,
A role no longer needed in that scene.
As bed-wetting ceased, a distant Mom became present,
Lots of positive change, like in the movie
“Wizard of Oz” — a bleak, black and white film
Suddenly burst forth with brilliant color!
But, tears of a clown no longer required rolled down my cheeks,
As my “audience” left the nest, flew off
To study on distant shores, left alone I felt
Deeply depressed, unsure of just how to live.
Thus I remained until an amazing discovery,
Booze left me feeling fine, I took to it
Like a duck takes to water, I swam through life;
Drugs were even better, felt like coming home.
Not long into active addiction, I became aware
Of how I was trapped, with no exit known
The only one I could find was the ultimate
Egress — a one-way trip to oblivion.
An understanding Mom was always there,
Seemingly helpless to help her drowning son
She stood at the shore and threw preserver after preserver,
Always present, even in my darkest hours.
Only then did I get hold of the life-giving force
That finally led me to shore
Where I dried myself off and discovered
I was not alone, nor would ever have to be.
They call it a family disease, handed down
From one to the next, we inherit our destruction
What you don’t hear enough of, is how recovery
Can also be a lasting legacy in familes.
Not just me, but four of the seven children
Born into the dysfunction of addiction in this family,
Now enjoy long-term recovery, ranging from
30 years to 45, free from the grip of that dark force.
Today we are guided by a benevolent force,
All in positions to use our prior terms in hell
As the means to guide others to the light
We all know in our beautiful lives today.
